Last week I went to church

And kind of enjoyed it.

Of course, it wasn’t just a “normal” occasion. One of my sister’s friend’s brother had died a month ago and that service was to honor his memory. The boy was seventeen when he died after a two-year long battle against cancer. He was remembered by his family and friends as a brave and friendly kid.

I didn’t get to know him, so I have no idea what kind of person he was. But for what everyone said of him and the pictures that were shown, I can assume that he was a great person. His sister, my sister’s friend is also a cool girl, even though I haven’t talk to her a lot. But she is a friend of my sister and that counts, since my sister usually picks cool people as friends.

Anyway, there was me, considering the idea that I might have to drive my mom to a church (she was the one invited). In my family we usually joke that if I get into a church I will start having seizures and eventually burst in flames. That is because a normal mass usually seems incredibly nonsensical to me, thanks to the rituals, self-deprecation, and overrated myth. But this time the idea was to offer comfort to a family who had lost a beloved member.

I can live with that.

I have to say I’m not very good when trying to comfort people that are not very near to me. Usually I make up a nice phrase, but when I say it, sounds awkward. I thought it sounded awkward, but in my defense I have to say it was sincere. I was very sorry to see that family and especially that friend of my sister in such pain.

Of course, more than once it occurred to me how could God be such an asshole to let a kid die after two years of fierce battle against cancer, which he ultimately beat, but then died of something else. Seriously, a God that allows that has to be biggest dick ever. This occurred to me when listening to the scripture and mentions to that all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful god. I guess the people there thought that by doing so they could get some kind of comfort for the pain they were feeling.

I reached a different conclusion. I ultimately concluded that the universe is a cold dark universe that just doesn’t care about us. We live, suffer, rejoice and die in here and no one cares about it. That is why we are responsible for our own joy as a species. No one will gives us love or “truth” but ourselves. It’s nice to think that there is a God who actually cares for us, but if that were so it does a lousy job at demonstrating that love.

We are here, we are now. That is the only thing we have. Use this time to be the best you can be to others. It sounds cliche, sounds cheesy, but with nothing else outside it is the best we have.